“Can’t wait to see you tomorrow honey, I’m coming to visit! Love you!”
“Oh, awesome! Love you too, Mom.”
*clicks phone shut and looks around room at mountain of dirty laundry and assorted empty bottles*
College students are among the most adaptable of mammals. We endure painfully mundane lectures by day, and study/ ”study” by night, vehemently clinging on to the two or three hours of sleep we manage to get in between. Such busy lifestyles come with burdens to bear and in order to cope, many previously unimaginable life choices are made without a second thought.
-A daily shower? Unnecessary*
-Laundry? Once every few weeks, tops
-Bed making? Which sheet is the fitted one again?
-Tooth brushing? Yes, we still brush our teeth. Give us a little credit here
You get the picture. While we may be the future great minds of America, right now we are living like animals in our own little dens that many like to refer to as “dorms”. Naturally, when mom calls and surprises us with a visit we panic. The last thing anyone wants to see is their mother cry, and there are hundreds of mothers every day that are driven to tears by the mere site of their son or daughter’s dorm room. Most college students are given time to prepare for visits from their parents, and after a solid afternoon or two of sweat, blood, and Febreze most of us are able to create the illusion of a clean living space to display to our worrying moms. This system has worked for generations, and will surely continue to work in the coming years, but what happens when a visit from the parents happens without fair warning? Look no further than the nearest self storage facility.
Companies involved in the storage industry, like StorageMart, a company with locations in many college towns throughout the US and Canada, sell all sorts of things that can turn the painful process of making a dorm room pass “The Parent Test” into something significantly more bearable, most importantly, boxes. For roughly 20 bucks, and a quick trip to a storage facility, you can return to your dorm room with the only tools you will need to quickly tidy up.
You’ve got a bed, right? Good. Box up all your dirty laundry and neatly label said box “winter coats” and slide it under your bed. Unless mom or dad smells the box, you’re golden. Next, open up another box and fill it to the brim with your disgusting trash. You may be thinking: why not just use a trash can? Simple, trash cans are an object that you’re probably looking to get more than one use out of and quite frankly, the trash that can accumulate within a dorm room can easily ruin a perfectly good trash can (re: old ramen noodles and wounded soldiers). Box up all that trash and take it out to the dumpster right away (or just incinerate it; no garbage man deserves to deal with anything that disgusting). Within a matter of minutes, you’ve got a room without any trash or dirty laundry to be seen. What’s left? Smart students will have an extra clean set of sheets hidden somewhere in their room for emergencies such as an unexpected parental visit. In the event the only sheet you’ve got is the sad excuse for a
dishrag that you sleep on every night, it’s looking like this will be one of the few times that you will actually have to make your bed. Apart from that, you can rest assured that mom won’t lose her mind upon walking through your door.
As soon as she’s gone, you can go back to your gloriously inhuman lifestyle with ease. Or, you could just get over it and do your laundry. After all, it’s been neatly boxed up for you under your bed.
*please, bathe yourself daily